I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
