u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize