So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
