yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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