I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm at about main and main street
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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