Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
