There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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