I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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