i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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