His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
