why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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