OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
3 2 1 whiskey
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
