i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
