Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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