Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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