The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
