Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
