I could make wine with my vomit
operation have a gay friend backfired
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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