just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
