EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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