Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
