i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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