i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
