Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
