fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
