we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
