How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
