He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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