I cannot find my penis.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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