My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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