When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
