So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
