North Korea, Best Korea!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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