Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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