Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
