I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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