So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
