Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is it penis luge time yet?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
