The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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