I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
worst night to have a conscience
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize