HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
