Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
