So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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