Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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