Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize