Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
