You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bring me that man meat
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
