Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
