We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
