Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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