Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.