Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!