My hair reeks of homosexuality.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things Theyâ€™ve Ever Seen In Public
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.