I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
