so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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