i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize