I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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