You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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