Do you still have your period?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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