is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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