You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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