There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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