i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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