Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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