People in love make me want to vomit
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We got so high we made milksteak
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
