ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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