all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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