dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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