it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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