you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
