I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
