Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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