As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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