If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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