Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
